Still Here

Hello Friends, I am still here, albeit not the same person I used to be, I would like to think I am a better one, but alas I most probably am not. David, the Psalmist, knew of struggles due to enemies. I sometimes liken myself to that type of situation. Such goings on, that are totally out of my control, but that have been fobbed off on me due to other people’s unwarranted malice, and hatred.
The Bible teaches all things work for good for those who have been called. I have seen little good out of my circumstances, but because the Bible does teach it, I believe it.

I like to think of the good, pretty days now,  surviving that dreadfully hot summer, and finding first fall, and now Christmas just upon the threshold.  I think on the pretty, good things in life, crunchy apples, sweet hugs, the sounds of birds in the sky, and a huge star filled sky at night.  With today’s heavy rainfall, the foggy mists shrouded the mountains, and muffled the sounds of the highway beyond.  I look at pretty photos online of pine cones,  candles, and scotch pine. I snuggle at night under my grandmothers quilt, and put my cardinal pillow on my bed when I make up the bed in the morning. I listen to the church bells on Sunday morning, the familiar sound brings me comfort.
I look at lovely library books, and settle in with Amish fiction to read, and think on the funny things said to me by loved ones the last few days. Yes, I still have my loved ones, near to my heart, and dear treasures to my life.



The Lord has been gracious to me, even in the midst of this battle I find myself in. There are many songs that encourage me along my way, old favorite hymns, and newer songs that I enjoy. “ Nobody” by Matthew West being among them.  That is what I am, I have no position, no money, no title, no influence, and yet myriad foes.  Yet, I am a believer, and whatever God chooses to do with my life, I leave in His hands. I love Him, and they can’t take me out of His hands unless He allows it to happen.

I am still His, in spite of horrendous circumstances that people feel they have the right to inflict. I can relate to persecution in ways I never could before. I find myself at odds of loving the unlovable ones, even though we are taught through scripture that we can do that if yielded to His will. It is still a struggle, I have not yet attained to it. I still run after my own agenda far too often, and have to fallback, and correct my thinking and actions. I hope at some point when He calls me home, that He will tell me to enter into my rest, that I did well for Him.  I hope to leave a better legacy than the one I am now living. I fall way too short, and He deserves better.  How much He must love me to continue to train me in this hard way I find myself in!  I know He has not given up on me, and that sustains me when not a lot else does.  He’s a good God, a good Father, a wonderful Savior, and my Redeemer, even in the slave market of my sin. This One called Lord, and Master, I love Him.

So now I look, and I listen, the rain pelts the roof, the stores ply everyone with bargains, that are really not so much. I watch the birds sail through the sky, and the river rushes over the rocks, and under the bridges.  I see the pretty twinkling lights over toward town, and hear the trains rumble late into the night under dark starry skies.  The mountains, rise high and dark now, even in the day light, and are bare save the sparse evergreens this a way on this side.  I think I smell the scent of apples, cooking with sugar and cinnamon of the breeze, when the wind pitches a certain way through the tree tops. I ponder on the deer that bed down late in the day in the scruff sagebrush along the West vales. I hear them sometimes calling one to another, and the distant rattle of a antler tells it’s own tale of mountain rut. They struggle to live, and are not always easy in their living out their days, I can relate to that the last couple of years.

There are times, when I look in the mirror, and I see old, and it is me.  Gray, wrinkled, sad, old me, and no, it is not a dream. I am weary, and yes, I have asked Him, just let me go  on home, please! He has said” No” on more than one occasion. Barron’s, I learned, bearing a burden, that is yours to carry, sometimes to death, most times alone.  I honestly don’t like that He has placed that on my back, but because it is, I have to do it, for how ever long He requires.  It does not lessen my love of Him, but it does increase my need of His strength.  The Lord is the strength of my heart, the Psalm tells me, and so it is., and as long as He decrees it will remain so.My situation is terrible in some ways,but sweet in others, and  like taking a spoonful of sugar with your medicine, you just have to try and swallow it on down, as best as you can.

I look for the good though, and in His mercy I believe He will give it to me.  I hope whatever you are going through that you find the good in your own life, in spite of hardship, and idolatry of other people, it can be found, in the whisper of the wi d, the voice of a child, a smile in the mirror even with wrinkles showing, a church choir singing Gloria, and in the still small voice that comes to find you hiding in the rock cleft.  Look for it, listen, and conquer that which bested you to draw you from Him. You can yet find the victory, even in a wounded heart, and a bent back carrying a heavy load. Pray, and keep believing!  I hope sweet Peace comes to you, just when you need it most.

Annie, here in the mountains of home.


Comments

May you feel God's loving, healing, strengthening presence flowing through and surrounding you at all times. He is always with you. Have a lovely and blessed Christmas season ~ FlowerLady
Laura Lane said…
Sending you a virtual hug dearie, and sending God a real prayer.
Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage
lauraofharvestlane@gmail.com